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#1
AUG 09 |
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“Orange is the New Green”
The immense Kendal 9PM cargo plane flew majestically over the lush green Amazon rain forest, the boom of its four massively powerful Ivchenko-Progress turbofan engines causing a minor panic among the jungle wildlife.
“Must you fly so low over the jungle?”
The speaker was an impressively muscled man about six foot two in height. His skin had long been tanned to a permanent golden bronze by a strange and wondrous sun in a land far away but, strangely, not unlike the Amazon jungle below the plane. He pushed back a shock of his wild mane of blonde hair but it promptly fell right back over his crystal blue eyes. He was garbed simply in black spandex trunks, custom made calf-high hunting boots with deep-lugged soles of tough rubber. The fingerless black skintight leather gloves covering his hands and forearms really weren’t necessary but he thought they made him look cool.
“We are not that low, Lord Plunder, I assure you,” Air Commodore Eldon Dupree (retired) replied in his usually calm and steady manner. He’d been flying for Lord Kevin Plunder now for nine months and never once had he spoken in any other tone than the one he used now. Not even when, short weeks after being hired by Ka-Zar, the twin to the cargo plane they were flying in had been torn apart by a squad of four-armed flying robots over London and he, Lord Plunder, Shanna the She-Devil and the X-Men, along with Zabu, had been forced to bail out.
“I’ve told you a couple of hundred times already, Eldon…its okay for you to call me Ka-Zar. Most do. Sometimes people call me Lord Plunder and I look around to see who they’re talking to.” Which wasn’t true; long ago Ka-Zar had gotten used to being called Lord Plunder. In fact, he’d learned quickly the advantage of throwing around his title when needed, but he liked for his staff to feel at ease around him.
“That simply wouldn’t do, Lord Plunder. It just isn’t done where I come from. I realize that for a long time you were unaware of your British heritage and so you are not as comfortable with your inherited title.”
Ka-Zar sighed and gave up. “We close to the co-ordinates I gave you?”
“Indeed we are, Lord Plunder. I would suggest you strap yourself into your parachute.”
“Agreed. I have to give Zabu his wake-up shot as well.”
“I am quite grateful you put Zabu to sleep, milord. He does not take well to flying.”
“And isn’t that an understatement,” Ka-Zar chuckled as he left the cockpit and went back through the passenger section with its plush leather chairs, dining room and theater to the cargo section, where Zabu snored peacefully.
Zabu had flown before but Ka-Zar had a feeling that getting older was making Zabu crankier, as the last couple of times they had flown together Zabu had displayed what in a human being would be called panic attacks. Of course, the last couple of times they had flown their planes had been shot down, torn apart and liquefied with them in it, so the saber-tooth tiger really couldn’t be blamed.
A huge parachute custom made for Zabu had been strapped on his back while he slept and Ka-Zar would give him the wake up shot just before they hit the silk. He quickly got into his own parachute, securing it to his body and then he reached for his weapons: a foot long hunting knife with a laminated hardwood handle and stainless steel guards. The blade had been forged to his specifications and a small amount of vibranium had been added to the steel giving the blade a unique strength. A shepherd’s sling and a length of rope completed his arsenal. It may not have looked like much but with those three weapons and with Zabu at his side Ka-Zar had taken on many foes seemingly much more formidable than him and beaten them all.
“Ready, sir! Coming up on the co-ordinates in two minutes!”
“Gotcha!” Ka-Zar reached inside a pouch at his belt and withdrew a huge stainless steel syringe which he plunged into Zabu’s neck and depressed the plunger.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up when your work is done, sir?”
“Naw! We’ll walk out! You have a safe flight back! Give my wife a kiss for me when you see her!”
“I think I’ll leave that task for you to do when next you see her, milord…not that it would not be an order I would be most happy to obey!”
Ka-Zar’s returning laughter was drowned out by the roaring of the rushing hot tropical wind filling the cargo plane as a hatch opened under him and Zabu and the both of them plummeted toward the green world below.
Zabu’s anguished roar of outraged surprise made Ka-Zar’s eardrums vibrate. Zabu’s gonna be pissed as hell when we hit the ground, he thought ruefully as he yanked the ripcord on Zabu’s chute and it billowed open. Zabu roared at Ka-Zar as he plummeted past the furiously thrashing saber-tooth tiger and Ka-Zar knew without a doubt that that roar was not one of thanks.
Instead, Ka-Zar allowed himself a few precious seconds to feel the wind rushing past him, his skin was tingling and every nerve was fairly sparking as adrenaline surged through his veins. Never did he feel more alive than when he was on the brink of death? He yanked his ripcord and his chute opened. If he wasn’t here to help out a friend he’d have taken his chances on jumping without a chute.
Once he crashed into the trees, he whipped out his knife and cut the straps of his chute away, allowing him to fall freely to the mossy jungle floor. He figured he would have to cut Zabu out of his chute as well but the thrashing and roaring he heard just off to his left gave him the impression that he’d have a lot more to worry about than that.
Zabu bounded out of the trees and landed right in front of Ka-Zar: five hundred pounds of killing muscle that had no equal in speed or power. His large green eyes sparkled angrily; Zabu loved Ka-Zar like a brother but even the best of brothers had disagreements at times…
Ka-Zar held up his hands, palms facing the tiger and put a silly grin on his face that usually amused Zabu. “C’mon, boy…don’t be such a big baby…”
Zabu’s answering roar said plainly that he was certainly not being a baby.
“It’s not like you haven’t jumped out of planes before.”
Zabu growled and that growl contained a world of meaning as to what he thought of planes, much less jumping out of them.
“Y’know, if you’re gonna have that attitude then I’ll just leave you at home when I’ve gotta fly somewhere. How’s that?”
Zabu’s toss of his large head indicated that he would be perfectly happy with that solution to their problem.
The argument between them was interrupted by screams, sounds of destruction and an inhuman bellowing. Ka-Zar and Zabu looked at each other then, as one, man and tiger ran in the direction of the noises.
Zabu naturally was the fastest runner and soon pulled ahead of Ka-Zar, who actually wasn’t that far behind. Man and tiger burst out of the jungle into a huge clearing that to Ka-Zar’s nose smelled as if it had just been recently man-made.
Tractors, graders and bulldozers had been thrown aside like oversized Tonka toys. They were lying on their sides, steam rising from their engines; apparently they had been used recently but they weren’t being used anymore. Workes were running to and fro, shouting senseless orders at each other. Several had guns and rifles they were firing enthusiastically but ineffectually at the being who was throwing around the multi-ton machinery with such ease.
Even with its back turned to Ka-Zar he could tell that the creature was humanoid in form but inhumanly muscled. Great slabs and cables of muscles rolled and flexed under the skin, skin that was an almost blinding orange in color. Zabu leaped up and forward before Ka-Zar could stop him. Zabu had a lot of anger and frustration to work off and apparently he considered the orange behemoth a worthy and welcome way to work off that aggression. Zabu landed squarely on the orange behemoth’s back, his claws digging into the flesh of the muscled back and holding Zabu fast as his seven foot long curving fangs slid easily into the creature’s shoulder.
The orange man-monster plucked Zabu from his back with an almost child-like gentleness and held the raging tiger at arms length. Zabu’s four paws whizzed through the air as he furiously tried to claw at the man-monster. The horrible wounds Zabu had inflicted on his back and shoulder were healing up already, the orange blood drying quickly.
“Don’t move a single muscle, blondie! I got a dead bead on ya!”
Ka-Zar turned to see that a workman did indeed have a Weismuller JJ55 hunting rifle trained on him not more than six feet away.
“I’m here to help-“
“Don’t MOVE or so help me-“
Ka-Zar’s right hand moved so fast it was a near invisible blur as he drew his knife and threw it at the rifle, knocking the barrel aside, the bullet being fired uselessly into the air. Ka-Zar was on the workman before the echo of the shot had died away. He threw the rifle away and yanked the workman off his feet. “Listen to me, stupid! I. AM. HERE. TO. HELP.” Ka-Zar flung him away and turned back to the tableau of Zabu and the orange giant…and he paused in amazement.
Zabu was lying like a huge kitten in the arms of the orange giant who was stroking Zabu’s tawny fur with a hand that looked big enough and powerful enough to crush Zabu’s head like a grape. But the orange giant had an almost silly, simple grin of pure happiness on its wide, square face and, incredibly, Zabu was actually purring.
“Ka-Zar!” A tall, graceful man with dark hair ran up to the Lord of The Savage Land. “Am I glad--“
Ka-Zar waved the tall man to silence. The workmen had formed a semi-circle around the orange giant and the tiger, their weapons trained on the behemoth, but as long as he had stopped they were content to hold their fire.
Ka-Zar turned to the tall man who had called his name. “I assume that is why you asked me to fly down here in such a hurry, Alex.”
Alex Janke nodded in relief. “It showed up about three days ago and it’s attacked us twice. This is the third attack, but it seems as if your pal Zabu has him on the ropes.”
Ka-Zar was mystified. He’d never known Zabu to have broken off an attack so fast and become this friendly with an enemy. But Zabu seemed content to play with the orange giant and have his belly scratched and—
The sharp CRACK! of a hunting rifle being fired right next to him jerked Ka-Zar out of his musing. The workman who had pointed the rifle at Ka-Zar had recovered the weapon and had fired on the behemoth. He fired again but, just like the first bullet, the second one bounced harmlessly off the orange hide.
The man-monster was just as startled as everyone else. It dropped Zabu and the expression on its face was one of true surprise. It flexed massive leg muscles and sprang upwards, clearing the hundred-foot tall trees and was soon lost in the jungle. Zabu growled in bewilderment at his new playmate’s abrupt departure.
“Zabu! Go find then come tell!” Ka-Zar commanded.
Zabu roared in confirmation and turned into a tawny blur as he plunged into the jungle.
Ka-Zar surveyed the wreckage of the camp and the frightened, disheveled workmen who were slowly lowering their guns. He turned to Alex and shook his hand. “I can’t wait to hear this story.”
Ka-Zar stepped back from the bank of LCD monitors and took another swig from the bottle of cold water Alex had given him. “Run that back again, please.”
Alex obligingly complied. “What are you looking for, Kevin?”
Ka-Zar grinned. “The same thing you were looking for and couldn’t find. The reason why the Hulk is orange and not green.”
Alex nodded as he manipulated the digital data recording, rewinding it back to the beginning. “Yeah, I’ve been looking through these recordings over and over but I just can’t figure it out. How’d you know it was the Hulk?”
“I’ve met him a couple of times, even offered him a home in the Savage Land if he wanted it but he didn’t.” Ka-Zar shrugged. “Green, orange or polka-dotted, I’d know the Hulk anywhere. I figured that’s why you called me.”
“Hey, you have Galactus coming to eat the planet, you call the Fantastic Four. You have an alien armada invading Earth, you call the Avengers. You got a problem in the deepest darkest part of the Amazon rainforest, you call Ka-Zar.”
“Hm.” Ka-Zar looked again at the digital recordings for about three minutes before talking. “Alex, just exactly what is it you’re doing down here? You guys aren’t tearing down the forest needlessly, are you?”
“Absolutely not! I’m doing pretty much the same thing I did for you in the Savage Land, building access roads so that it’ll be easier to transport food and medical supplies to the remote tribes that live in this region. We’re only tearing down what trees we need and we’re taking great pains to replant each and every tree that we can.”
Ka-Zar gave Alex a hard look. “You’re being straight with me, right? Because if I find out you’re lying--“
“Kevin, we got to be good friends during the year I worked for you. You think I’m lying?”
“No. No, I don’t.”
The door of the trailer/office banged open and the workman who had fired at the orange Hulk stepped in. He was narrow of build but there was viciousness in his eyes and in his manner that reminded Ka-Zar of a barracuda.
“I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” Ka-Zar said evenly, but his eyes were saying far more than words could express. “First off, who are you and what’s your job here?”
“Name’s Castillo. The foreman got hurt during the first attack so I’m in charge now.”
“Fine. You can be in charge as long as you don’t get in my way. And, if you ever again point a weapon at me, you’ll wish you hadn’t.”
Castillo snorted in derision and turned to address Alex. “I’ve got an armed squad ready. We’re going after that thing.”
“Are you out of your mind?” Alex slowly got up from his seat. “We’re talking about the Hulk here! The strongest thing walking the planet…ever! You and your men have handguns and hunting rifles, but the Hulk shrugs off ICMB’s! You go after the Hulk with those popguns and you’re asking to get killed.”
“Alex is right, Castillo,” Ka-Zar said. “I don’t give a damn what you do but don’t go getting innocent men killed. They’re not trained soldiers and the Hulk has eaten squads of S.H.I.E.L.D. troopers for breakfast. They don’t stand a chance against him.”
“What kind of ass do you take me for? Everybody and their mommas know that the Hulk is green! Whatever we got down here is orange…or are you color blind?”
Ka-Zar sighed. “Look, I don’t care if he’s plaid. I’ve been as close to the Hulk as I am now to you and I’m telling you, that’s him.”
Castillo opened his mouth to speak again but was interrupted by one of the workmen who burst into the trailer/office, holding a 10” handheld Sony TV. “Hey, you guys gotta see this!”
Castillo snapped, “Not now, Harry! We’re right in the middle of--”
“But it’s about the Hulks! All of ‘em!”
The four men crowded together shoulder to shoulder and watched the GNN broadcast. Trish Tilby was the reporter on the screen and she looked appropriately worried. This was understandable considering the subject matter she was reporting on.
“…apparently there is now more than one Hulk in existence. Reports have been coming in of different colored Hulks appearing in different parts of the world. So far there is documented proof of a White Hulk, a Yellow Hulk and a Violet Hulk. There is an organized search for more Hulks that is being spearheaded by Colonel Ruth Anne Smith and Professor Nicholas Benoit of Worldwatch International. The noted metahuman psychologist Doctor Leonard Samson has been called in to consult…”
Ka-Zar had heard enough. He turned to Castillo and Alex. “I think it’s pretty obvious that we’ve got hold of a situation here.”
“But why is this Orange Hulk here?” Alex wanted to know. “And, more importantly, how do we get rid of him?”
“We call up these people…what are they called? Worldwatch? Call them up, tell them I’m down here and ask them for advice on how we should handle this.”
“We can handle this ourselves,” Castillo insisted. “That thing, whatever it is, has injured my men, damaged our equipment and set us back on our schedule. The way I see it we deserve some payback…and I mean to see that we get it.”
Ka-Zar’s voice was calm but he obviously meant what he said. “You’ll stay here. You’ll stay calm. And you won’t do a damn thing. I mean what I say, Castillo; the situation’s tense enough without you acting like an ass.”
Castillo’s face darkened with anger. He said nothing, simply stormed out of the office/trailer.
Alex shook his head. “Christ, what a mess.”
“What’s his story, anyway?”
“Castillo? He’s been a pain in the ass since Day One. He’s just one of those guys that are never happy unless he’s in charge. The problem is he doesn’t have enough sense to be in charge.”
“Well, just keep an eye on him until I find the Orange Hulk…and you get in touch with those Worldwatch people.”
“How are you going to find him?”
Ka-Zar grinned. “If Zabu hasn’t found him by now I’ll eat my boots.”
Zabu had indeed found the Orange Hulk. The creature’s scent had been simple for Zabu to follow; once Zabu had someone or something’s scent there was nowhere on Earth he couldn’t follow it to. But the Orange Hulk hadn’t gone very far as Zabu found when he stepped into the clearing and took in the scene before him.
The Orange Hulk was sitting cross-legged next to a rippling stream of crystal clear water that merrily burbled over half-exposed rocks. The look on the man-monster’s face was one of pure happiness as he looked up into the tranquil, sapphire sky. Brightly colored macaws had flown out of the sky to perch on the Orange Hulk’s inhumanly broad shoulders. Ten-foot long snakes were curled up next to his knees. One of his hands was stroking the back of a huge jaguar that lay in the man-monster’s lap.
Zabu walked softly and quietly over to the Orange Hulk with no fear of being attacked. All living creatures gave off different variations of their native scent depending on their emotional state. The Orange Hulk had given off a much different scent when angry, which in turn had triggered Zabu’s own rage. But now, the Orange Hulk was giving off a scent that was almost tranquilizing in its calming effect.
The Orange Hulk saw Zabu approach and his face lit up in an almost child-like expression of joy. He beckoned for Zabu to come closer. Zabu did so. The Orange Hulk scooped up the saber-tooth tiger and hugged Zabu as if Zabu were a kitten, rubbing his cheek against the tiger’s coarse fur. Zabu licked that wide, unlovely face that was somehow less unlovely at that moment.
The Orange Hulk let Zabu go and patted the ground next to him, indicating that Zabu should lie down there. And Zabu wished he could…but he had to return to his human brother and bring him here. His human brother would look after this creature, Zabu knew.
He trotted away, throwing a look over his shoulder. The Orange Hulk was waving bye-bye with one hand while the other hand had gone back to stroking the jaguar that looked not at all unhappy that Zabu was going away.
Zabu plunged into the jungle and in four seconds flat was running at his top speed, a tawny blur against the green of the rainforest.
Alex put down the satellite phone and turned to give Ka-Zar a thumb’s-up. “WorldWatch said they’ll be here in four hours. Until then we’re to sit tight.”
Ka-Zar nodded, continuing to eat his vanilla yogurt. He sat cross-legged on the floor of the office/trailer and, after taking his last spoonful of yogurt, spoke. “I’ll just keep an eye on big boy until they get here, make sure that he doesn’t get into any more trouble. You got a radio I can borrow so we can stay in touch?”
“Sure.” Alex got up out of his chair and walked over to a bank of chargers that had walkie-talkies plugged in, sucking up juice. “Something just occurred to me…doesn’t the Hulk turn into a human guy sometimes?”
“Yeah, Doc Bruce Banner. He got belted by gamma rays and that’s why he turns into the Hulk.”
“Well, what with all these different colored Hulks showing up, what’s happened to him?”
Before Ka-Zar could respond, Zabu’s huge head appeared in the doorway. He was far too large to get his entire body inside the trailer/office. He growled in impatience at Ka-Zar. The Lord of The Savage Land uncurled from the floor and came to his feet in an easy, gliding motion and went on outside with Alex following.
Ka-Zar kneeled before Zabu and held that huge head in both his gloved hands. The saber-tooth tiger was growling softly, three-foot long whiskers twitching. Ka-Zar was growling back and Alex could swear that they were communicating on some primal level.
But that was impossible…wasn’t it?
Ka-Zar got to his feet, took the walkie-talkie from Alex and clipped it to his T-Rex skin belt. “Zabu’s found our boy. I’m off. I’ll be in touch.”
“Alex! Alex!” A workman breathlessly ran up to them. “It’s Castillo! He’s got half a dozen armed men and he went off into the jungle! Said he was gonna take care of that thing on his own!”
Alex groaned. “This we don’t need right now.”
“Tell me about it,” Ka-Zar grunted. “Stay cool and stay by the phone. I’ll keep you updated. Come on, Zabu!” And just like that, man and tiger sprinted into the jungle so quickly that it was almost as if they’d evaporated.
Zabu stayed on the ground, naturally, but Ka-Zar immediately took to the trees, scrambling up the giant trunk of a thousand year old forest patriarch into the upper limbs, which were nearly as wide as a Manhattan sidewalk. Ka-Zar launched himself from one limb to another, keeping pace with Zabu.
Ka-Zar threw himself into the air, somersaulting wildly, hair whipping around his face, a laugh of exuberant joy trailing after him. He seized hold of a hanging vine, swung twenty feet, let go and tucked into a tight ball, tumbling and spinning until his momentum started to fade and he uncurled, seized hold of a branch as thick as his leg and just hung there, getting his bearings.
Below him, Zabu was growling. This was a different growl, one of warning; he was telling Ka-Zar to be careful. Ka-Zar growled back and let go of the branch, dropping forty feet to the spongy ground, his powerful leg muscles easily absorbing the shock of landing. He could have dropped from twice that height with no harm at all. Growing up in the Savage Land ever since he was barely old enough to walk had been a hard life but one that had blessed him with an incredible musculature that few men on Earth with no superpowers possessed.
Zabu led the way into the clearing next to the river where the Orange Hulk still relaxed with his animal friends. The Orange Hulk’s eyes lit up with happiness upon seeing Zabu approach but he warily watched Ka-Zar, who was approaching more slowly, behind Zabu, letting the saber tooth tiger take the point.
Zabu trotted up to the Orange Hulk and the man-monster reached out a hand to scratch the huge tiger behind the ears. Zabu purred and rubbed his head against the Orange Hulk’s knee.
Ka-Zar heard the hiss of the dynamite fuse and while he didn’t know what it was at first, his body reacted and he leaped to one side. Out of the corner of his eye he could see five long red sticks of dynamite bound together, arcing through the air toward the Orange Hulk and his animal friends.
“Zabu!”
Ka-Zar needn’t have bothered. Zabu had moved the same time as Ka-Zar and the saber-tooth tiger was well clear of the blast when the dynamite landed next to the Orange Hulk. The tranquil tableau was destroyed by the terrifying explosion.
Ka-Zar was running toward the thrower: Castillo, who was frantically reaching into a shoulder bag for more dynamite. There were six other men with him who were all goggling in amazement at how fast Ka-Zar was covering ground. He was upon them just that fast, smashing into their bodies, throwing them aside as if they were children. Castillo gave up trying to get at more dynamite and yanked his .45 automatic out of its holster and pointed it at Ka-Zar, shouting; “Stay away from me, you bastard!”
He got off one shot that burned a shallow path along Ka-Zar’s right bicep, but then it was too late. Ka-Zar had his hands on Castillo and the humid jungle air was filled with a scream.
Castillo lay at Ka-Zar’s feet, looking at both his broken arms with a horrified fascination. Ka-Zar ripped free the bag of dynamite and tossed it aside. He turned his eyes upon Castillo’s men and said one word: “Run.”
They did so and never once looked back, fearing that they would see the Lord of the Savage Land pursuing them. Ka-Zar stood over the terrified Castillo, struggling to control the volcanic rage inside of him. Hearing Zabu’s soft rumbling of concern, he turned away from Castillo.
Zabu was sitting on his haunches next to the Orange Hulk, who was kneeling on the ground. The macaws had flown away and the snakes had slithered into the safety of the jungle, but the jaguar hadn’t gotten away in time. The Orange Hulk was tenderly cradling the dead animal in his great arms, head bowed in devastating sorrow.
Ka-Zar quietly walked up to the man-monster and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. The Orange Hulk lifted his head and looked at Ka-Zar, tears freely streaming down his face.
“You sure you know what you’re doing?” Alex Janke asked as he shook Ka-Zar’s hand.
“Totally. This Hulk is nothing like the Hulk I know. I looked into his eyes after the jaguar was killed and I saw something profound in those eyes. This Hulk is as innocent as a child and loves nothing more than nature.”
“Then why did it attack us?”
“I think that he thought you were destroying the jungle and the animals, and he was trying to protect them from you. If you notice, once you stopped the machines and stopped working, he no longer attacked you.”
“WorldWatch is on their way to take custody of the Hulk. What will I tell them?”
“The truth: I’m taking this Hulk back with me to the Savage land. Except for my estate, there’s almost no other technology in the Savage Land. Well, none that this Hulk can get to anyway. He’ll be free to roam as he pleases and there’s zero chance of him hurting anybody. Tell them to get in touch with me and I’ll smooth it over with them.” Ka-Zar pointed off to the south. “There’s an airfield fifty miles to the south of here. I’ve contacted my pilot and instructed him to fuel up there and wait for me. My cargo plane is strong enough to transport The Hulk.”
“I can’t thank you enough for everything, Ka-Zar.”
“Glad I could help. And I feel much better with you in charge of this project instead of Castillo.”
Alex grinned. “I talked with him while our medic fixed up his arms and I think I’ve convinced him that it’s in his best interest to keep his mouth shut.”
Ka-Zar grinned back, slapped his friend on the shoulder. “Zabu!”
The saber-tooth tiger walked over, followed closely by the Orange Hulk, who had made a crude leash out of vines and had slipped the noose over Zabu’s neck. The Orange Hulk was smiling so wide it was almost bizarre. However, Zabu was less than happy and his growl of discontent didn’t impress Ka-Zar at all.
“Hey, he’s your friend. If it makes him happy I suggest you go along.” Ka-Zar gave Alex a last wave then he walked into the jungle, followed by Zabu and the Orange Hulk. In an instant they were lost to sight and Alex could only wonder at what future adventures the Lord of the Savage Land would find himself in.
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The End...
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